i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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