She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just had sex on a roof
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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