I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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