It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
