You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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