is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize