YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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