i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
