Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
