I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
