You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize