I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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