WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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