My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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