seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
