I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize