We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I AM VODKA MAN
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
