You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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