We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
