the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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