I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
