I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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