3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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