so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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