Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
