What did we do last night that was yellow?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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