It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
