how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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