when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
