All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
