I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
