dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
