I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
