Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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