After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Randomize
