Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
