I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
