Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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