Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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