very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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