If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize