I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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