My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
