you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
