I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
