it hurts more in the daytime
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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