There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
