I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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