She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
