Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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