Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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