We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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