make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
