All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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