so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
