Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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