I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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