I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
