last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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