I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
