i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
