Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
