6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
